Silver Wings

While driving home from work today, I was listening to a CD that I put together a couple of years ago with a variety of songs on it. About ten minutes into my 40 minute commute, I heard what seemed like wind or a whistle in my car. I remember thinking, “Oh great, my car is making a new sound.” As I focused and tried to figure out what was making this new sound, I came to realize it was in the music! I muted the CD player and it went away, so I turned it back on and listened. I played the song again and really listened. Is it a piccolo or strings? I listened again - I think it is strings! It is a whole orchestra and I can hear the strings! I have been looking on YouTube trying to find the version of the song I was listening to, but I’m not finding it. The song is “The Ballad of the Green Beret.” I am hearing the soft start up of the strings when they begin the crescendo at the words “silver wings.”

I have had my implants 9 years on the left and 3 years on the right and I am still experiencing improvement! I have been procrastinating about scheduling a mapping thinking there hasn’t been enough change to warrant an appointment with my audiologist, but now I’m thinking otherwise.

One of my earliest memories of really knowing that there were things I could not hear was in 9th grade typing class. I never did hear a typewriter bell. How I ever got through that class with a B, I will never know. As I was enjoying hearing more of a song I have liked probably since I was in 9th grade, I was thinking that my cochlear implants give me such wonderful hearing it just might be possible to hear better than normal someday.

Getting off the Roller Coaster

Something wonderful happens to people after they have had their cochlear implants for a while. They get on with life!

As a late-deafened adult and cochlear implant recipient, I know the emotional roller coaster of losing one’s hearing; the life and relationship issues that go with that; and finally the high of getting sound back. Definitely “emotional roller coaster” is the right descriptive phrase.

Have you ever ridden a roller coaster? What can you do when you are riding one? About all you can do is ride. You might talk with the person next to you, laugh, or yell, or scream, but you won’t be composing a report or holding a meeting.

As my hearing loss progressed, I participated in life less and less. I quit going to movies, parties or anything that involved a large noisy group or a large room that might echo sound. I stopped using the phone and pretty much limited my communication to family and close friends. Anything beyond that was intimidating, like standing up in a roller coaster. If I had to be on this ride, then I was going to stay seated in my little box and hang on so I felt safe. I might look at the scenery once in a while, but it was easier not to.

I like the feeling of getting off a roller coaster. That first step of putting solid ground under your feet feels so reassuring. I love looking around and being able to walk away and put some distance between me and a ride that I don’t like.

With my cochlear implants, I can get off the ride. I’ve got the ground under my feet again. I can walk away and join the world for the day and I don’t have to get back on until the sun is down and the roller coaster sleeps.

It is fun though, especially when you don’t like a ride, to go on the ride with friends. I attended my first Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA) convention this year in June. It was a wonderful experience and the first time I really enjoyed the ride, the hearing loss roller coaster. When we get on the roller coaster together, we hug, we smile, we share the ride and we laugh!

I have noticed that many of the friends I have made through my blog, the Bionic Ear Association, the HLAA and the online forum, Hearing Journey, are getting off the roller coaster and walking away. They have other things to do and lives to live. What a wonderful thing this is!

Jonathan's Cochlear Implant Activation 8 mo., Rt Ear cont'd

I love watching this little guy's reaction to his activation. It is so moving.

I Can't Hear You

I am the oldest of five. For the most part, my siblings and I share similar political beliefs. Unfortunately, our parents seem to feel quite the opposite, so if we happen to end up talking politics at a family gathering, a heated discussion may escalate into a shouting match. We are learning to avoid certain subjects.

Last time I was visiting my parents, while my mother and I were preparing breakfast, the conversation started dancing around a sensitive subject. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I happened to announce where I stood on the issue. My dad didn’t agree and started on a tirade denouncing what I believe. Immediately I regretted having said anything but I was not going to back down. My mother was getting uncomfortable and wanted everyone to stop - which was fine with me, but dad was not getting the message. I was at the kitchen sink wiping a dish and dad had his back to me. I decided to give him the message visually. I put the dish down, wiped my hands, walked around to get in front of him and when he was looking at me, I reached up and with exaggeration I knocked my CI headpieces down to my shoulders. He got it. He looked at me and his mouth stopped moving. There I was in my silence feeling like a naughty child. I didn’t enjoy disrespecting my father, and I didn’t enjoy being disrespected.

I have shared the story of that incident with my girls and one of them said she finds herself wondering how many children with cochlear implants or hearing aids, have, or eventually will, take their hearing off in the face of being scolded or lectured. I suppose it is the equivalent of a hearing child plugging her ears with her fingers and taunting, “I can’t hear you.” With a CI it is much more dramatic and effective - but still naughty.

HLAA

I have been thinking about this for awhile and I finally decided to go to the HLAA Convention in Milwaukee in June. I have never been to one before and I'm really looking forward to it.

Last spring I attended a mentor training for the Bionic Ear Association. That was the first time I was part of a group with the commonality of hearing loss. I really enjoyed the feeling of kinship and continue to enjoy the friendships that developed. I'm really looking forward to this convention and hanging out with my friends.

Video Overview

A Book Review - "Wired for Sound"

I recently finished reading Wired for Sound: a journey into hearing by Beverly Biderman. Beverly writes about her personal experiences as a person with severe to profound hearing loss who chooses to pursue receiving a cochlear implant when it becomes available to her. An excellent author, she also writes beyond her own experience and eloquently shares information about deaf issues as well as technical issues regarding hearing with cochlear implants. Some of the technical information is becoming outdated as this book was written over ten years ago, but as a history of the development of cochlear implants most of the information still applies. This is a very good book that covers a lot of territory regarding deafness and regaining sound. I recommend this book for anyone contemplating getting a cochlear implant.

Morning Light

From the silence of my night
I wake to morning light
I don’t begin to hear
Till my CI is on my ear
I sleep without sound
I can’t hear a barking hound
So my days begin
Not with an alarm’s din
But from the streaming light
Of a morning sky so bright
It reaches to my eyes
In the bed where my head lies
And wakes me
So that I might see
This day

Frosted Day

Fast Talkers

I know that I’m fortunate that I am a cochlear implant user that can use the phone and is no longer afraid to answer it. I really do as well as most hearing people. Today I spoke with a person that spoke so fast I don’t know how anybody could understand her.

Really fast talking should be against the law. These people should be cited and fined for saying more than eight syllables per second and should not be allowed to work a business phone if they talk so fast you think they may be speaking in a different language.

When I could not understand the name of the company she was calling from, I felt like I was having flashbacks to the days when I started giving up on communicating on the phone. She wanted my business ID number, so I figured it was an employee of one of my clients and I had to make sure I knew who I was talking to before I gave out this sensitive information.

I gave in to something I now do only when I have to and told her I hear with cochlear implants and that I needed her to slow down. “Okay,” she said and then she said the name of her company again - and I missed it. Unh. I hate this. She explained what form she needed filled out and I got that. Did I have a fax number she could send it to? “Yes, I do,” I said and then I asked her again to tell me what company she was calling from. Out it came and I could practically see it speed past my ears and out of reach before I could make out what it was. Aaaaahhhhh! I was getting really frustrated, but I tried to keep a smile on my face and calmly asked her again to tell me the name of her company. Swish, there it went and I had to ask her again. I took a breath and politely told her I missed it again, could she please say it one more time and then I focused and hoped I would catch it this time. She said it again and slowed it down just enough that I got the first two words and I said, “Oh! it’s ____ _____ _____. Thank You.” What a relief.

This is the stuff that wears on my confidence. Fortunately there was quite a bit of the conversation that I did get, so I know that it wasn’t all me. Sometimes I wonder, can they really listen and hear as fast as they can talk?

Ski Boots

It was a lot of fun skiing last Wednesday. The temperatures were great, not too cold or too warm so you weren’t sweating in your ski gear.

I hadn’t been skiing since the spring of 2008 when Paul and I were at Whistler. Also, I hadn’t used my own gear for several years choosing instead to rent when traveling a long ways and flying. Since my gear hadn’t seen a lot of time on the slopes, I figured it would be fine to use it at this local ski site.

When getting ready for our ski outing, Jana tried on her ski boots and discovered that they were too small. She decided to rent boots. When we got to Welch Village, Jana and I suited up and grabbed our gear, me with my boots, skis and poles and Jana with just her skis and poles.

We trudged up to the ski racks, leaving our skis and poles and then headed for the ticket window to purchase lift tickets and Jana’s rental boots. Jana discovered it was an all or nothing proposition with the rental of equipment. She had to get skis and poles too, as they would not adjust her skis to their boots. We decided that she would go get her rentals and I would take her skis and poles back to the car while she was getting set up.

I grabbed Jana’s skis and poles from the ski rack and headed back towards the parking lot. About six steps after leaving Jana, I heard a loud crack. While trying to figure out what made the noise, I glanced ahead of me and saw a weird shaped piece of white plastic skitter to a stop about ten feet in front of me. “Oh! My!” I said as I realized it was the toe of my right ski boot! Change of plans I thought as I picked up the toe of my boot and then promptly turned around to go tell Jana that I would be renting too.

She was just about to start filling out the form at the counter. I called her name and she turned around to look. Holding up the toe of my boot, I said, “Jana, I’m renting too!” She came over to see what had happened. We laughed a little and then decided we would both go back to the car to regroup.

About three steps outside of the rental building, the other boot started to crack up. Not wanting to leave any pieces of sharp plastic laying around, I stooped to pick up the chips as they fell. We turned the corner and walked a few more steps when the left toe went flying out in front of us. I began to wonder if I would have anything left on my feet when we found the car. Then the giggles started and every few steps I took, more of my boots fell off! We walked one aisle too far. As I was walking back between the cars, finally with my car in sight, the bottom fell out of my left foot. Feeling like I had nothing but stockings on my feet, we were finally there. I peeled off the remains of my ski boots. After the laughter, we made a new plan and headed back to the ticket office for a rental package.