Do we really mean to say “congratulations” to someone who has just qualified for a cochlear implant? I don’t mean any offense to the people that say this, because I know the spirit it which the “congratulations” are given, but I do want to talk about this for a bit.
I remember when I qualified and the first person that congratulated me. She was someone I worked with and she new this was something I was hoping for – but it did not feel right to be congratulated. I arrived to the point of qualifying for a cochlear implant with very mixed emotions and a large part was sadness. My hearing was so far gone this was my only hope and the last resort.
Whenever I see someone congratulating another for qualifying, I cringe a little bit. I will wish them well and I will pray for them and send them positive thoughts as they pursue better hearing and sound, but I can’t bring myself to say “congratulations.” After all, getting to this point was a loss of the hearing they may have had or never had at all.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive and maybe it is okay when someone who has a cochlear implant congratulates someone that qualifies. It is like saying, “Welcome to the community.” For myself, that is what I will say, “Welcome to the community. I wish you well as you pursue better hearing.”
My journey from hearing loss to hearing with bilateral cochlear implants.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
How Could You Not Know?
How could you not know
That it cut me to my soul
When you sat there singing strong
And others played along
You looked me in the eyes
Yet you never wondered why
I felt such a deep hurt
You even acted curt
How could you not know
That it cut me to my soul
If I were blind and couldn’t see
Then you’d be singing with me
My voice would be strong
And maybe we’d get along
How could you not know
That it cut me to my soul
For I have music within
It stayed with me like sin
But I felt no remorse
When I couldn’t sing the chorus
I just hurt deep inside
Where my music resides
How could you not know
That it cut me to my soul
When you sat there singing strong
And others played along
How could you not know?
That it cut me to my soul
When you sat there singing strong
And others played along
You looked me in the eyes
Yet you never wondered why
I felt such a deep hurt
You even acted curt
How could you not know
That it cut me to my soul
If I were blind and couldn’t see
Then you’d be singing with me
My voice would be strong
And maybe we’d get along
How could you not know
That it cut me to my soul
For I have music within
It stayed with me like sin
But I felt no remorse
When I couldn’t sing the chorus
I just hurt deep inside
Where my music resides
How could you not know
That it cut me to my soul
When you sat there singing strong
And others played along
How could you not know?
Friday, January 16, 2009
My Hearing Loss
Recently on Hearing Journey, one of the moderators asked participants to post to the question, "How did you lose your hearing?" My original article about my hearing loss is titled "How Many Times Do I Have To Grieve?" and is the first post on this blog. I felt it is too long to post on Hearing Journey. I have written about my loss several times and decided to do something different this time. Below is the poem I wrote:
My Hearing Loss
Although it was suspected, when I was just a girl,
It wasn’t checked until later, how much I could hear.
At the Junior High School, when I was a young teen,
Machines were brought for testing and a mass screening.
One day they called a list of names, over the intercom,
It was a mix of boys and girls, and not real long.
We gathered with the counselor, to each of us he spoke,
Asking if we knew, our hearing might be broke.
Because I didn’t know, it had to be told,
He gave me a letter, for my parents to hold.
I put it in my math book, and walked home slow,
I was carrying news, that made me feel low.
My mother said to me, “What took you so long?”
I handed her the letter, feeling like a Blue’s song.
She read it very carefully, then she made a plan,
She called the local clinic, and I would see a man.
He looked into my ears and throat, and whispered across the room,
Sent me for hearing tests, I could feel the gloom.
He said I had a hearing loss, but would it stay the same?
Only time would tell, this was not a game.
The school years passed, and I did my best,
Sitting at the front of class, studying for the tests.
Then it was time to check, my hearing once again,
I had plans for my life, and I was ready to begin.
I went to see the son of the man, young Dr. Young,
And what he had to tell me, really stung.
Your hearing is going, there is more gone,
We can’t help you, and we don’t know how long.
I want to enlist - my country I want to serve!
He said, “They won’t take you, because of your hearing nerve.”
Now what do I do, what jobs can I take?
He said, “Stay away from loud noises, for your hearing’s sake.”
So I worked for the city, putting tickets on cars,
And I thought, this won’t take me very far.
Then I met my husband, my wonder, my love,
We married and had children, gifts from above.
I could still hear the babies, when they cried in the night,
But not the birds that sang, before they took flight.
New doctors gave me hope, with a hearing aid, then two,
So I could hear my children, as they grew.
Then one day, my hearing was so small,
I thought that my eyes, would have to do it all.
But something came along, it was kind of new,
And the doctor said, “Maybe this will work for you.”
You will have to have surgery, go under the knife,
But if you are willing, it could change your life.
I said, “I want to do this, I really want to hear.”
And the surgery was scheduled, that very year.
There were several implants, companies had made,
The doctor said, “Pick one, before your surgery day.”
So I read and I studied, and I asked around,
I picked Advanced Bionics, to bring me sound.
In 2001, after all the strife,
It was a new beginning, for my hearing life.
The rain and the birds, are a wonder to hear,
I love this miracle, called the bionic ear.
My Hearing Loss
Although it was suspected, when I was just a girl,
It wasn’t checked until later, how much I could hear.
At the Junior High School, when I was a young teen,
Machines were brought for testing and a mass screening.
One day they called a list of names, over the intercom,
It was a mix of boys and girls, and not real long.
We gathered with the counselor, to each of us he spoke,
Asking if we knew, our hearing might be broke.
Because I didn’t know, it had to be told,
He gave me a letter, for my parents to hold.
I put it in my math book, and walked home slow,
I was carrying news, that made me feel low.
My mother said to me, “What took you so long?”
I handed her the letter, feeling like a Blue’s song.
She read it very carefully, then she made a plan,
She called the local clinic, and I would see a man.
He looked into my ears and throat, and whispered across the room,
Sent me for hearing tests, I could feel the gloom.
He said I had a hearing loss, but would it stay the same?
Only time would tell, this was not a game.
The school years passed, and I did my best,
Sitting at the front of class, studying for the tests.
Then it was time to check, my hearing once again,
I had plans for my life, and I was ready to begin.
I went to see the son of the man, young Dr. Young,
And what he had to tell me, really stung.
Your hearing is going, there is more gone,
We can’t help you, and we don’t know how long.
I want to enlist - my country I want to serve!
He said, “They won’t take you, because of your hearing nerve.”
Now what do I do, what jobs can I take?
He said, “Stay away from loud noises, for your hearing’s sake.”
So I worked for the city, putting tickets on cars,
And I thought, this won’t take me very far.
Then I met my husband, my wonder, my love,
We married and had children, gifts from above.
I could still hear the babies, when they cried in the night,
But not the birds that sang, before they took flight.
New doctors gave me hope, with a hearing aid, then two,
So I could hear my children, as they grew.
Then one day, my hearing was so small,
I thought that my eyes, would have to do it all.
But something came along, it was kind of new,
And the doctor said, “Maybe this will work for you.”
You will have to have surgery, go under the knife,
But if you are willing, it could change your life.
I said, “I want to do this, I really want to hear.”
And the surgery was scheduled, that very year.
There were several implants, companies had made,
The doctor said, “Pick one, before your surgery day.”
So I read and I studied, and I asked around,
I picked Advanced Bionics, to bring me sound.
In 2001, after all the strife,
It was a new beginning, for my hearing life.
The rain and the birds, are a wonder to hear,
I love this miracle, called the bionic ear.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Mapping Back
I had a mapping on December 16th, 2008. The allergy issue is still present and I was taking medications to control the symptoms when I was mapped that day. Because I was feeling good and my symptoms were under control, my audiologist suggested that I try the map I had before the allergies started to affect my hearing in October. She turned it on and to my surprise and my audi's too, it sounded good. Good enough to keep. We made some volume adjustments and made that my main map. She then made a crowd noise map from that one for slot 2 and finally for slot 3, she recommended we keep the map we made when my allergy symptoms had flared. I agreed, but I was thinking I probably wouldn't need it. Ha! To my surprise, I turned it on that very evening. I was relaxing in front of a movie on the TV when the sound became loud and distorted sounding. I was trying to figure out what was going on when I realized that the allergy medication I had taken that day had probably worn off. I was only half way through the movie and irritated that my hearing had changed that much when I remembered I had the other map in slot 3. Switching to the other map made enough of a difference that I was able to enjoy the rest of the movie. This was a better alternative than taking more medication at the end of the day when I would rather not (it sometimes affects my sleep cycle). I was glad I had the map as an option.
I'm not one to switch from map to map very often, but it is nice to have choices when I think of using them. I need to be more thoughtful about controlling my hearing in different situations and hopefully I will be more mindful of my options in the coming year.
Happy New Year!
I'm not one to switch from map to map very often, but it is nice to have choices when I think of using them. I need to be more thoughtful about controlling my hearing in different situations and hopefully I will be more mindful of my options in the coming year.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Clear Headed
When I put my CIs on this morning, the volume seemed much louder and I had to turn them down. My hearing is much clearer today as my allergy symptoms also seem to be subsiding. I'm still taking medication and now maybe I can begin to ease off of it.
I don't know exactly what I'm allergic to. The onset was late August and early September, when the change in the foliage kicks off. The leaves are all down now and we have been experiencing cooler weather, rain and snow.
Since the maps I currently have were done while I was experiencing allergic reactions, I may need to have them redone as my symptoms go away. I have noticed that the sound is not as good as it was before all of this started. It seems to have a bit of a reverberating affect, like you can get with a guitar string.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Yes, allergies do affect my hearing.
About ten days ago, my hearing changed. It sounded like Darth Vader was on my left shoulder and if I was somewhere with background noise, like a grocery store, it sounded like there was a train passing very near by. After posting what I was experiencing here on Hearing Journey, I took Kim and Evelyn's advise and made an appointment with my audiologist which I had yesterday.
There is some history leading up to this change and it answers some questions about why this had not come up before. I got my second implant a year ago on 10/10/2007 and was hooked-up on 10/17/2007, so I have had regular mappings this past year. Also, last fall, I decided I wanted to make some healthy changes and getting off of the allergy medication that I was taking every day was one of them along with some dietary changes. I managed to stop taking Claritin every day and did not use allergy medication for the rest of the winter, spring and this recent summer. About two weeks ago, I began having allergy symptoms and I was in need of relief, so I started taking Claritin again to get through this season. About four days after I started taking the medication, my hearing changed dramatically to what I described above. I continued to take the Claritin and I saw Dr. Gifford yesterday. When I gave her my allergy history and the changes I was experiencing, she said that normally this would have confused her, but she had just come back from a seminar where this was one of the subjects that was discussed. She said there have been cases of people with cochlear implants complaining of their hearing changing - enough to complain about it - when they have colds or allergies or are taking medications that treat colds or allergies. When you bypass most of what makes a person hear, you wonder how can this be? It has to do with the proximity of the electrode to our cochlea and the cochlea membranes can fluctuate when we have allergies, colds or take medication to relieve symptoms from these conditions.
We went ahead and went through the mapping process. We made some changes, but nothing really big. It was hard to get rid of all of the echoing sound. Also, my audiologist was concerned that when I get through this allergy season, I might not like these current maps, but if that is the case, we will adjust them again.
This morning, I again took Claritin and because my face was still hurting I also took Sudafed and Ibuprofen. With the added decongestant, things were sounding a bit better. I decided to keep a journal about the medication I'm taking and how things sound.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm allergic to. I live in Southern Minnesota and when we go to our cabin which is about 250 miles north, I usually feel better. Whatever it is, it comes out in the fall.
I am frustrated and I hope I will be able to get my hearing back to where it was before this started.
There is some history leading up to this change and it answers some questions about why this had not come up before. I got my second implant a year ago on 10/10/2007 and was hooked-up on 10/17/2007, so I have had regular mappings this past year. Also, last fall, I decided I wanted to make some healthy changes and getting off of the allergy medication that I was taking every day was one of them along with some dietary changes. I managed to stop taking Claritin every day and did not use allergy medication for the rest of the winter, spring and this recent summer. About two weeks ago, I began having allergy symptoms and I was in need of relief, so I started taking Claritin again to get through this season. About four days after I started taking the medication, my hearing changed dramatically to what I described above. I continued to take the Claritin and I saw Dr. Gifford yesterday. When I gave her my allergy history and the changes I was experiencing, she said that normally this would have confused her, but she had just come back from a seminar where this was one of the subjects that was discussed. She said there have been cases of people with cochlear implants complaining of their hearing changing - enough to complain about it - when they have colds or allergies or are taking medications that treat colds or allergies. When you bypass most of what makes a person hear, you wonder how can this be? It has to do with the proximity of the electrode to our cochlea and the cochlea membranes can fluctuate when we have allergies, colds or take medication to relieve symptoms from these conditions.
We went ahead and went through the mapping process. We made some changes, but nothing really big. It was hard to get rid of all of the echoing sound. Also, my audiologist was concerned that when I get through this allergy season, I might not like these current maps, but if that is the case, we will adjust them again.
This morning, I again took Claritin and because my face was still hurting I also took Sudafed and Ibuprofen. With the added decongestant, things were sounding a bit better. I decided to keep a journal about the medication I'm taking and how things sound.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm allergic to. I live in Southern Minnesota and when we go to our cabin which is about 250 miles north, I usually feel better. Whatever it is, it comes out in the fall.
I am frustrated and I hope I will be able to get my hearing back to where it was before this started.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Changes or Allergies?
For about a week now, my hearing has been different. I suffer from seasonal allergies and they really flared up about ten days ago and I had to start taking medication for some relief. A few days after I started taking the allergy medicine, my hearing started to sort of echo, mostly in the lower tones. Sometimes it is so bad that is sounds like I have Darth Vader talking behind me and if I'm in a store or a place where there is a lot of background noise, it sounds like there is a train rumbling through.
I have an appointment for a mapping coming up this week. I'm looking forward to seeing my audiologist. I don't know if the allergies have anything to do with how I'm hearing or if I just need a new map. It is one year this week since I got my second implant, so it could very well be my hearing is still changing and adjusting. I kind of hope it is not the allergies, because if my reactions can change my hearing this much, it might be challenging to figure out how to adjust for that much fluctuation. But, if necessary, adjust I will because that is what we do!
I have an appointment for a mapping coming up this week. I'm looking forward to seeing my audiologist. I don't know if the allergies have anything to do with how I'm hearing or if I just need a new map. It is one year this week since I got my second implant, so it could very well be my hearing is still changing and adjusting. I kind of hope it is not the allergies, because if my reactions can change my hearing this much, it might be challenging to figure out how to adjust for that much fluctuation. But, if necessary, adjust I will because that is what we do!
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