Whoops the Loop!

I went to a meeting this afternoon that was held in a room that is looped. I switched to my program with the T-coil. The host was holding the microphone down in front of her as she walked to the center of the room and she whispered, "Showtime." I had to laugh because I was probably the only one in the room that heard her! As the panel passed the microphone around, I heard every rustle. It really was awesome! However, if I find myself in a similar situation again, I think I will remind the presenters exactly what looping does for those of us that are wearing hearing devices. We can hear! And maybe more than they want us to. 

Naida Accessories

I have always been so thrilled with the hearing I get from my cochlear implants that I never really concerned myself with little extras or accessories that I did not have. My Harmony behind the ear processors served me well for many years without a remote control or any other add-ons. But now that I have them ...

The Naida replacement systems that I received in March came with some options. Since I am bilateral, I ordered the MyPilot remote control with one and the ComPilot with the other. I didn’t think I would use them much but since one or the other came with the kit, then why not? 

Although there are buttons on the Naida processors for changing maps and volume, I have found that I do really like using the MyPilot for adjustments and program changes. Along with the visual screen that allows me to see where I am, there are more options for adjustments with the MyPilot. One of my favorites is the sensitivity setting. When I was first implanted and used the Clarion Platinum body processor for the CII implant, I had sensitivity control. I gave that up to wear behind the ear processors that did not have a switch for that. It is really nice to have that back. I found it really helped me to adjust to a new map on my right ear that seemed a little loud at first, but by adjusting the sensitivity for a day or two, I was able to adjust to the map by giving my ear/brain time to get used to having more sound.

As a Harmony user I loved the T-mic and the ability to just pick up a phone and hold it to my ear like everyone else. I also found ways to listen to music that did not require me to change settings or use the direct connect to enjoy listening to my favorite songs. So I was a real skeptic when it came to the ComPilot thinking I probably wouldn’t use that much at all. 

About a week after getting my Naidas, I decided it was time to check out the ComPilot. Following the instructions provided, I first hooked it up to the Bluetooth on my laptop computer. Wow - the direct sound coming from my computer was great and I was curious to hear more. I then hooked it up to the Bluetooth on my iPhone 4 and tried a phone call to my mother. The only background noise I heard was coming from my mother’s end of the conversation. This was wonderful for cutting back on the “what’s, pardon me’s, and please say again,” parts of the conversation. Finally, I hooked it up to my Nano Shuffle to check out listening to the music I would play when carving my Trikke. I love this. I have to say it is wonderful to be out on the trail, carving and listening to my music just like other people out there wearing their earbuds and headphones as they walk, jog, bike or run. I have never been big on needing to fit in, but by golly this just felt really great! I was so wrong about the ComPilot. I use it all the time and really love it.

There is one more accessory that I am really excited about. The Naida waterproofing kit for swimming! It has not yet been approved in the USA, but is coming soon and I am excited for the release. Living in Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes, I believe this is another accessory I may use a lot. Being able to hear while swimming with my grandsons would truly be a joy. 

Naida Accessories - Now that I have them - don’t want to live without them!

From CII to Naida

When the decision was made 13 years ago to get a cochlear implant and I was faced with choosing a brand, my audiologist sent me home with information packets from two companies. The appointment to meet with the surgeon was scheduled and my audiologist informed me that I would need to let the surgeon know what my choice was when we scheduled the surgery.

I inspected the packets thoroughly. Advanced Bionics impressed me with what appeared to be a progressive attitude. They seemed to posses motive to provide the best cochlear implant technology while continuing to research ways to make the delivery of sound better. That seemed like a good fit for me. Even when things are good, I’m content, grateful and satisfied with my life, I don’t stop and say, “good enough.” Advanced Bionics doesn’t either. My hearing experiences with AB cochlear implants has been a series of continued advancements and joyful improvements in the quality of sound for me.

My first implant was the CII in a ceramic casing and used with the platinum II body processor and the CII BTE (behind the ear). The internal part of the implant, the CII, is still in place. It has worked with the Auria behind the ear processor, followed by the Harmony processor and now with the Naida.

When I went bilateral the AB implant was the 90K, and the processor was the Harmony. Since going bilateral in 2007, I had Harmony processors on both sides until March 12, 2014 when I received my Naida processors.

The above list of changes includes only the hardware. In between those changes there were also sound processing changes that were tested, approved and then applied to the processors bringing such things as more clarity in delivery of sound and better background noise management. Advanced Bionics did not disappoint me as they are always improving  - always looking for a better way.

My Harmony behind the ear processors provided me with many years of great service. They gave me great sound and wonderful features like autosound tuning and the T-mic. But with seven years of daily use, they were showing wear and the fit on my ears had become uncomfortable often causing soreness. It was time to replace them with new Naidas.

I have been using my Naida processors for almost three months. There are so many new features I am greatly enjoying with the Naidas that I want to talk about and share with my readers. If I write about them all in this post, it will become quite long. So I have decided to share in several posts. This will also serve to get me back in the habit of writing regularly - I hope. 

The phrase, “You’ve come a long way baby,” comes to mind as I think about the years I have been an Advanced Bionics CI user and all the changes that have taken place. The creation of the waterproof Neptune, the design of the Naida and all its features are great leaps from 13 years ago when I got my first implant. 

To begin my list of things I like about my Naida processors I will start with the fit. They are smaller and the new design of the T-mic places the microphone in the perfect spot on my ear without bending and twisting of the stem. 

Thank you AB for listening to your customers. Your actions and designs show us that you are paying attention and I for one appreciate that we are heard.

Grandma's Toy Box

Sometimes it takes me awhile to pick up after the grandkids leave. I think I like the feeling of them being here for awhile after they have left. Since the vacuuming needed to be done, I finally got around to picking up the few toys that were left out. Tossing them into the toy bin, I heard the electronic banjo chime a tune. These toys shut off automatically, so I just walked away to another chore. 

In the next room I was sorting through linens when I heard the banjo playing notes again. It has been a few years since the first time my toy box for the grandkids made noise, but I do remember that first time! We have a goofy looking rolling toy that giggles. For some reason that toy started giggling while it was just sitting in the toy box. I was sitting in my favorite chair folding clothes late in the evening when this happened. Scared the dickens out of me! I was so shook, it didn’t take me long to dig to the bottom of the toy box and pull that thing out. I had to make sure that was the culprit of that eery laughing sound. When the banjo went off again, I was pretty calm, having been through this before.

I continued to pick up around the room when the banjo went off again. Okay, I thought, this one needs to be turned off. I went over to the toy bin, pulled out the banjo and slid the switch to off. Thank goodness it has an off switch. While I was doing that, I heard Mickey Mouse announce himself. Oh boy! When pulling out the banjo, I had activated the Mickey Mouse guitar. Okay, I decided to shut that one off too - only it doesn’t have an off switch. I have to trust it. 

Believe it or not - while writing this, the toys in the toy box actually shifted. The noise practically made me jump out of my chair! I’m beginning to wonder what the toys do when I’m not here. Grandma’s toy box - a different Toy Story.

Thankful for Health and Hearing

There were some rough patches for our family during the 2011 holiday season which served to enlarge our blessings with the contrast of getting through some moments to celebrating others. Due to illnesses with a daughter and grandson, I found myself in emergency and hospital rooms more times than I care to remember over a two month period. We all value health and it is during these times we are reminded to be grateful for it. So we start off 2012 recovering, being well and looking forward to living well.

During one of my daughter’s hospital stays, I had the opportunity to share how I hear with a senior resident. He said they tend to go over cochlear implants fairly quickly in medical school and he was truly interested in how I hear with them. He was genuinely surprised at how well I hear. The conversation moved along without any phrases like “pardon me” or “I’m sorry, what did you say?” The doctor admitted that had no one told him, he would not have been able to tell that I don’t have natural hearing. It was fun to share with him and I enjoy every opportunity to educate medical professionals. Fortunately that conversation took place when the doctor and his team were preparing to discharge my daughter and things were looking up that day.

It was approximately a month later, on Christmas morning, that I was in the emergency room with another daughter and her son. Her husband was unable to go with her because he was sick and we were taking their one month old baby boy, Jared, to the hospital. I was glad I was able to be there for them. It is hard when they are so young and blood draws and an IV are needed. I watched as the RN explained to Paula, my daughter, how hard it can be to get an IV into a baby and that often they have to try twice. Upon hearing this I immediately began to pray for Jared asking God to bless the nurse’s skill and help her to get it the first time so that this precious baby boy only had to be poked once.

Paula was helping to hold Jared and I was sitting in a chair at the side of the room. The nurse had her back to me and I had my head down praying. After giving it to God, I sat there just listening and waiting. The nurse and lab tech were taking there time with the process. When I sensed the RN was ready I was holding my breath. Before I took in any air, I heard her say, “Well there is your Christmas present. That is a Christmas miracle right there!” The IV was in on the first try. I sighed a prayer of relief, “Thank You Jesus,” and then I smiled for Jared. When I realized how well I had heard the nurse I smiled again and sent another thank you to the Lord for my hearing. A little while later, a diagnosis was made and Jared was admitted to the hospital for treatment. He was discharged after three days and continued to recover at home.

On a daily basis, I experience the extreme of complete silence to being able to hear most everything once my AB cochlear implant processors are on.  You would think after ten years that I wouldn’t still be amazed by this, but I am. I will never take my hearing, my health, or the health of my family for granted. Now that I have had some recent reminders of how precious all that is, I will try to remember to thank the Lord for it all every day.

Subtle changes...mean a lot to me.

In my previous post, I wrote about my recent mapping and the fact that it had been almost two years since my last mapping. There I described some of the changes that were made and used the terms; some gains, and small adjustments. In day to day hearing, subtle changes to a map might not be that notable, but today I had the chance to listen to a CD while in the car for about 50 minutes. The difference in the music was enough to choke me up. In the sound of music the changes were very notable. 

I was listening to Styx Live. This CD is different from a studio recording. Some of the songs are longer and they talk in between sets. I used to skip around if the song was too long and I couldn’t always hear what they were saying when they talked because of the crowd noise. The music and talking sounded so good today, I didn’t want to miss a thing. 

It will be a joy listening to my music collection. There are all kinds of new sounds there! This motivates me to continue to reach for perfect bionic hearing. Though it may be in small steps - every gain counts. I know the perfect bionic ear is coming. If not in my lifetime, maybe yours.

Still Changing and Learning for Better Hearing

After a long stretch of not being mapped, I worked with a new audiologist to map my cochlear implant hearing. Since it was his first time working with me, we did word recognition tests in the booth with both ears and then each ear alone. Both ears together were at 86%, left ear alone 80% and right ear alone 20%. I was a bit disappointed that the right ear has not come along as well as the left - but I love the hearing I get with both together and would not choose to give it up.

After the assessment, we then set up for mapping. I did the tones on each side and did have some gains on the right as well as small adjustments on the left. It had been a long time (almost two years) since I was mapped. It felt good to be getting reset. Since it had been so long, I couldn’t remember exactly how we mapped for both ears together. My audi asked me if I wanted to map and attempt to match the ears electrode by electrode. I knew I had not done that so I decided we should go for it. 

We started with the first low tone. Wow! They sounded very different. On my left side, my first implant, I have the Clarion HiFocus Electrode with Positioner. The sound of the first low tone is rich and deep and seemed normal for its position on the scale. On my right side, which has the 90K HiFocus Electrode, the tone sounded like it is several notes higher than the left side. My starting point there is not as low and rich as the left side. If you compare it to the song Do Re Mi, the left starts at Do and the right starts at Mi. We talked a bit about why the two sides may sound so different and then we decided to finish the mapping based on how speech sounds.

Before this mapping, I thought a lot about how I use my cochlear implants. I’m not one to change the settings very often, so three slots seems to be plenty; however, while we were talking about it, I think I could have used five! I decided to have my daily map in slot one. In two we put the telecoil on as it seems I have had more opportunity this past year to use it. Slot three is my noise program. My new audi was pretty aggressive with the settings for shutting down background noise. In recent years, I have not had the IDR below 60. He put it at 40 and we talked for a bit. It was great, but I decided I could handle a little more background sound and asked him to put it at 50. He did that and also removed the boost to the low tones.

I had the opportunity to fly this weekend and tried out the noise program while traveling. It was great! I could still hear the announcements but I didn’t have to put up with the drone of the airport noise or the airplane noise. I simply told my husband to be sure he was near me when he wanted to talk. 

I have had my first cochlear implant for ten years and with the help of audiologists’, I’m still finding better ways to hear. Although I have been bummed when an audiologist I have gotten comfortable with retires or moves on in his/her career, it is always a joy to meet someone new and learn from their experience. 

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago today I was healing from my first cochlear implant surgery and waiting for my activation day. I was recovered enough to go back to work and since my job did not require phone communication, I was back at my desk doing proofing and data entry. I was living in complete silence with hope that the cochlear implant would ease my struggles with communication.

It was just another day to pass while waiting for the big activation day. The waiting was hard as my mind was filled with constant wondering about what hearing with a cochlear implant was going to be like. The distraction of work was a good thing until there was a change in the people around me. I could see them talking, but nobody would tell me what was going on. The co-worker next to me was crying and though she was usually willing to talk to me so I could read her lips, she was unable to even look at me and tell me what was going on - until she was able to say, “Paula is okay.” My daughter Paula is a flight attendant with United Airlines.

After my mother-in-law had called the office and told the receptionist to tell me that she talked with Paula and that she was on the ground in Cincinnati, my co-workers then did their best to tell me what was happening. Some of them decided to leave work early so I did too. I wanted to know more about what was going on and I needed a TV with closed captioning and the comfort of familiar communication with family. At home, I watched in silence the horrors of the attacks and the updates the media provided. The captioning on my TV being my link to the world.

Today, I remember the horror of September 11, 2001. I pray for my country and my fellow Americans and find comfort in the tributes and memorials created in the process of healing. As I reflect on all this, I am reminded how far our souls travel from sadness to joy and silence to sound. 

Silver Wings

While driving home from work today, I was listening to a CD that I put together a couple of years ago with a variety of songs on it. About ten minutes into my 40 minute commute, I heard what seemed like wind or a whistle in my car. I remember thinking, “Oh great, my car is making a new sound.” As I focused and tried to figure out what was making this new sound, I came to realize it was in the music! I muted the CD player and it went away, so I turned it back on and listened. I played the song again and really listened. Is it a piccolo or strings? I listened again - I think it is strings! It is a whole orchestra and I can hear the strings! I have been looking on YouTube trying to find the version of the song I was listening to, but I’m not finding it. The song is “The Ballad of the Green Beret.” I am hearing the soft start up of the strings when they begin the crescendo at the words “silver wings.”

I have had my implants 9 years on the left and 3 years on the right and I am still experiencing improvement! I have been procrastinating about scheduling a mapping thinking there hasn’t been enough change to warrant an appointment with my audiologist, but now I’m thinking otherwise.

One of my earliest memories of really knowing that there were things I could not hear was in 9th grade typing class. I never did hear a typewriter bell. How I ever got through that class with a B, I will never know. As I was enjoying hearing more of a song I have liked probably since I was in 9th grade, I was thinking that my cochlear implants give me such wonderful hearing it just might be possible to hear better than normal someday.

I Can't Hear You

I am the oldest of five. For the most part, my siblings and I share similar political beliefs. Unfortunately, our parents seem to feel quite the opposite, so if we happen to end up talking politics at a family gathering, a heated discussion may escalate into a shouting match. We are learning to avoid certain subjects.

Last time I was visiting my parents, while my mother and I were preparing breakfast, the conversation started dancing around a sensitive subject. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I happened to announce where I stood on the issue. My dad didn’t agree and started on a tirade denouncing what I believe. Immediately I regretted having said anything but I was not going to back down. My mother was getting uncomfortable and wanted everyone to stop - which was fine with me, but dad was not getting the message. I was at the kitchen sink wiping a dish and dad had his back to me. I decided to give him the message visually. I put the dish down, wiped my hands, walked around to get in front of him and when he was looking at me, I reached up and with exaggeration I knocked my CI headpieces down to my shoulders. He got it. He looked at me and his mouth stopped moving. There I was in my silence feeling like a naughty child. I didn’t enjoy disrespecting my father, and I didn’t enjoy being disrespected.

I have shared the story of that incident with my girls and one of them said she finds herself wondering how many children with cochlear implants or hearing aids, have, or eventually will, take their hearing off in the face of being scolded or lectured. I suppose it is the equivalent of a hearing child plugging her ears with her fingers and taunting, “I can’t hear you.” With a CI it is much more dramatic and effective - but still naughty.

Fast Talkers

I know that I’m fortunate that I am a cochlear implant user that can use the phone and is no longer afraid to answer it. I really do as well as most hearing people. Today I spoke with a person that spoke so fast I don’t know how anybody could understand her.

Really fast talking should be against the law. These people should be cited and fined for saying more than eight syllables per second and should not be allowed to work a business phone if they talk so fast you think they may be speaking in a different language.

When I could not understand the name of the company she was calling from, I felt like I was having flashbacks to the days when I started giving up on communicating on the phone. She wanted my business ID number, so I figured it was an employee of one of my clients and I had to make sure I knew who I was talking to before I gave out this sensitive information.

I gave in to something I now do only when I have to and told her I hear with cochlear implants and that I needed her to slow down. “Okay,” she said and then she said the name of her company again - and I missed it. Unh. I hate this. She explained what form she needed filled out and I got that. Did I have a fax number she could send it to? “Yes, I do,” I said and then I asked her again to tell me what company she was calling from. Out it came and I could practically see it speed past my ears and out of reach before I could make out what it was. Aaaaahhhhh! I was getting really frustrated, but I tried to keep a smile on my face and calmly asked her again to tell me the name of her company. Swish, there it went and I had to ask her again. I took a breath and politely told her I missed it again, could she please say it one more time and then I focused and hoped I would catch it this time. She said it again and slowed it down just enough that I got the first two words and I said, “Oh! it’s ____ _____ _____. Thank You.” What a relief.

This is the stuff that wears on my confidence. Fortunately there was quite a bit of the conversation that I did get, so I know that it wasn’t all me. Sometimes I wonder, can they really listen and hear as fast as they can talk?

Ski Boots

It was a lot of fun skiing last Wednesday. The temperatures were great, not too cold or too warm so you weren’t sweating in your ski gear.

I hadn’t been skiing since the spring of 2008 when Paul and I were at Whistler. Also, I hadn’t used my own gear for several years choosing instead to rent when traveling a long ways and flying. Since my gear hadn’t seen a lot of time on the slopes, I figured it would be fine to use it at this local ski site.

When getting ready for our ski outing, Jana tried on her ski boots and discovered that they were too small. She decided to rent boots. When we got to Welch Village, Jana and I suited up and grabbed our gear, me with my boots, skis and poles and Jana with just her skis and poles.

We trudged up to the ski racks, leaving our skis and poles and then headed for the ticket window to purchase lift tickets and Jana’s rental boots. Jana discovered it was an all or nothing proposition with the rental of equipment. She had to get skis and poles too, as they would not adjust her skis to their boots. We decided that she would go get her rentals and I would take her skis and poles back to the car while she was getting set up.

I grabbed Jana’s skis and poles from the ski rack and headed back towards the parking lot. About six steps after leaving Jana, I heard a loud crack. While trying to figure out what made the noise, I glanced ahead of me and saw a weird shaped piece of white plastic skitter to a stop about ten feet in front of me. “Oh! My!” I said as I realized it was the toe of my right ski boot! Change of plans I thought as I picked up the toe of my boot and then promptly turned around to go tell Jana that I would be renting too.

She was just about to start filling out the form at the counter. I called her name and she turned around to look. Holding up the toe of my boot, I said, “Jana, I’m renting too!” She came over to see what had happened. We laughed a little and then decided we would both go back to the car to regroup.

About three steps outside of the rental building, the other boot started to crack up. Not wanting to leave any pieces of sharp plastic laying around, I stooped to pick up the chips as they fell. We turned the corner and walked a few more steps when the left toe went flying out in front of us. I began to wonder if I would have anything left on my feet when we found the car. Then the giggles started and every few steps I took, more of my boots fell off! We walked one aisle too far. As I was walking back between the cars, finally with my car in sight, the bottom fell out of my left foot. Feeling like I had nothing but stockings on my feet, we were finally there. I peeled off the remains of my ski boots. After the laughter, we made a new plan and headed back to the ticket office for a rental package.

Trusting My Ears

We had our piano tuned in November. When the girls come home, they enjoy playing some of their favorite songs as well as Christmas music and complain if the piano hasn’t been tuned, so this year I did manage to get the tuning scheduled and done.

While trimming the Christmas tree, I started thinking about the Christmas concert at the high school and the tradition they have carried out for many years of singing “Beautiful Savior” to close the concert. They invite choir alumni on stage to sing this hymn with the present choir and then the audience is invited to join in for the final verse.

I was never a soloist, but I participated in choir at high school and church through my junior year. Now with my cochlear implants, I have been trying to listen to my own voice and get the confidence back to sing. Since the piano had recently been tuned, I decided to pick out the melody of “Beautiful Savior” and try matching my voice to the notes. My thoughts were, “My piano is in tune, my hearing is great with my cochlear implants, this should work.”

As I picked my way through the first verse, I felt I was doing pretty good at matching my voice to the notes, but it sounded a bit off. I stopped singing and played the melody one note at a time and one spot sounded off to me, so I played the top two notes at a time, still off. Because I was unsure if I could trust my digital ears to be an accurate judge of whether or not a piano is in tune, I asked my husband when he came home to listen to the notes I was playing and tell me what he thought. To my surprise he said, “Yep, that one note sounds like it could be a little off.”

I emailed our piano tuner and he said he would come back and check it out. Our piano was Paul’s mother’s and is quite old. This piano has not been tuned regularly in the past ten years so it is not unusual for the tuning not to hold. The piano tuner came back, made some adjustments and now it sounds as good as the old piano can.

I have known for a while now that I would prefer a new digital piano and someday I hope to have one. From this old piano I learned that my new hearing is pretty awesome and I can trust what I think I hear. I remember the notes and how they are suppose to sound and my brain sings in tune. Now if my ears and my brain and my voice would all work together - maybe I could be that soloist I have always wanted to be. (*Dream*)

Beautiful Blogger Award

Beautiful Blogger Award & Nominations!

Speak Up Librarian nominated me for this award and I am honored. Thank you Speak Up Librarian.

Now here's my job:
The rules:
1) Thank the person who nominated me for this award.
2) Copy the award & place it on my blog.
3) Link to the person who nominated me for this award.
4) Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself.
5) Nominate 7 bloggers.
6) Post links to the 7 blogs I nominate.

Okay, here we go. I may be repeating some nominations, but it can't be helped.

(1) Speak Up Librarian - It is always a joy to read her reviews of books or television shows, check out her pictures and share her thoughts about the challenges of being hearing impaired.

(2) Mog Renewed - Has shared her journey from choosing to get a cochlear implant, waiting for the day and now discovering the sound it brings her. She punctuates this with delightful pictures and ancedotes.

(3) Jelly - You know you will get cupcakes, but the variety is a constant surprise!

(4) My CI is Amazing - A friend that I met on another forum, she shares her experience and offers her caring support to others with the same hearing challenges.

(5) Laura's Medical Journey - Another brave woman facing challenges with a great attitude and sense of humor.

(6) Surround Sound - A cochlear implant user and busy Mom that shares her hearing experiences and supports others in their hearing journeys.

(7) Elliott's Journey - Ellliott's mom does a great job of sharing their journey as her adorable son learns and lives life with his cochlear implants.

"Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself"

Interesting, hhmmm, is that one of those things that's in the eyes of the beholder?

(1) I was a Brownie, then a Girl Scout and finally a Cadet.

(2) I sang in the church and school choirs until my last year in high school when I failed to make the Concert Choir.

(3) I wanted to be a Wave in the Navy, but by the age of 18 my hearing loss had progressed to the point where I couldn't pass the physical.

(4) I had a motorcycle when I was 19.

(5) After a van hit me when I was driving my motorcycle, I traded it in for a Fiat X19 (2 seater sports car) - I loved that car!

(6) From the time I started thinking I would be a mother someday, I always knew I would have three girls. I just knew.

(7) The man I married was my kindergarten sweetheart. He kissed me at the drinking fountain and I told the teacher!

Thanksgiving

I have been trying for several days to put into words

The thankfulness I feel, for all that I have heard

The words keep escaping me

They never seem enough

So it seemed there was only one thing left

A picture of my cup.

This Is Who I Am

Sometimes a dream can seem so real that when you wake up you wonder if it happened. I had a dream like that last night and what I dreamt is impossible, but it seemed so real. I dreamt that my husband was leaving for work, on his way down the stair he said over his shoulder, “Good-bye,” and I responded, “Good-bye,” and then it hit me, I didn’t have my processors on. I said, “I heard that!” and Paul, knowing that I wasn’t hooked up, turned right around and came back upstairs. He was talking to me and I was repeating back to him what he was saying almost word for word. I would miss one now and then, but still we were thinking how could this be? 

After I was completely awake and thinking about this dream I realized it was like dreams I had after I quit smoking. I would dream that I smoked and then in the morning wonder if I did. I didn’t want to start again so I would be relieved that it was just a dream. I guess we dream about what we miss and I think I was missing those spontaneous moments that happen at the beginning or end of the day when I might not have my hearing prothesis on.

This dream surprised me and it feels like it came at an odd time. On the last Saturday we spent at our cabin before closing it up for the winter season, I felt like I had crossed a threshold. I got up that morning and Paul was preparing to take the boat to the storage place. He indicated that he was leaving and I knew I had at least an hour to myself. My normal routine in the morning is to get ready for the day and get my hearing on first thing. On this particular morning, knowing I didn’t need to communicate with anyone for awhile, I decided to relax in my comfortable pajamas, and linger over breakfast and coffee while I enjoyed the vision of the lake outside my window. Sitting in the silence, I came to realize that I have finally found peace with my deafness. 

It is okay. This is who I am.

I am a woman who puts on her hearing in the morning

and takes it off at night. 

I am a woman who sleeps in total silence

and wakes to the morning light. 

When I look out the window to see what kind of day it will be, 

I may notice the birds in the branches of a nearby tree.

I need not wonder if they are chirping or singing a song,

even though I knew their silence many years long.

It is now in my blessings a matter of choice,

If I want to hear birdsongs or the beautiful human voice.

The sounds of life are mine to have no matter the place,

And the silence is mine to choose, to reject or embrace.

Choosing a Cochlear Implant

You are at a point in your life where you have to make a life altering decision and choose a cochlear implant either for yourself or your child. Where do you start?

I had to make that decision eight years ago. After going through all the testing and qualifying for the cochlear implant, the audiologist gave me all the brochures he had from each of the companies and answered the questions I had that day. An appointment was then scheduled with a surgeon.

While the surgeon was willing to answer any questions l had about each appliance, he would not advise me in a way that indicated any favoritism of one company’s product over another’s. We picked the date for the surgery and then he said, “You will have to let us know which implant you want two weeks before the surgery.”  

Whether they realized it or not, both the audiologist and the surgeon gave me body language clues as to which product they thought was the best at the time. Since I was good at reading visual communication due to my hearing loss, those clues did not get past me.

Armed with my brochures, the answers I got from my audiologist and surgeon, I went home to read and discuss with my husband which implant to choose.

Eight years ago, that is what I had to work with to make my decision. I had to rely on the integrity of the companies whose brochures were going to tell me all about their cochlear implant. I knew what was most important to me and I was able to figure out which implant I wanted. I know I made the right decision and I am very happy with my cochlear implants and the company that makes them.

In the time that has passed since I had to choose a cochlear implant, independent studies have taken place and now a person trying to figure out which cochlear implant to choose has more information available to them when making their decision. The key here is to make sure you have an independent report and not a report that has been construed to favor a company that didn’t do well in the study.

Advanced Bionics made my cochlear implants. I received my first one in 2001 and had the other side done in 2007. The number one thing on my list when I was choosing my first implant was the ability to upgrade without surgery; to have an implant with internal technology that would grow with the science and that is what I have. There is six years between my two implants and I have modern cutting-edge technology on both sides and love the hearing I get with my two implants. My older implant was able to upgrade to the technology I was getting with my newer model on the other side. How great is that? 

For anyone making the decision today, it is still a difficult decision with even more information to peruse. As I learn more about the technology and advances, I know that Advanced Bionics would still be my choice today.

Click here to read an excellent and well researched article about choosing an implant.

Vaulted Ceilings and Wood Floors

Where I live, the popular home design for quite a while now has been vaulted ceilings and wood floors. I cannot think of another design in home planning that is more unfriendly to the hearing impaired except maybe smooth tile with vaulted ceilings. 

I really enjoy hearing with my cochlear implants and in most situations I hear very well. In my own home I have a combination of carpet and brick tile and my ceilings are flat and eight feet high. Sound doesn’t bounce or echo like it does in homes that I have been in with wood floors and vaulted ceilings. 

I find these homes to be so irritating the way sound bounces around that it is getting difficult for me to enjoy going to the homes of friends or family with vaulted ceilings and smooth floors. I don’t want to limit my social life again due to hearing issues when it seems like I have just gotten it back, but more and more I find myself in this situation as friends and family buy or build new homes.

Why are acoustics in home design ignored? Why is this design so popular? The world is  noisy enough without creating a situation in your home where noise is amplified. Do others think about the acoustics in their home or is it all about big space?

In my home I want cozy, warm, conversational space. No vaulted ceilings or floors that bounce sound for me.

Weeds!

On Saturday I found myself thinking about sounds that I had never thought about before. Weeding a garden has sounds of its own. Weeds with a shallow root don’t make a lot of noise but you can hear the soil drop off and sprinkle back to the ground in a soft patter. Most weeds though have a deeper root that is solidly embedded in the soil. As I wrapped my gloved fingers around the base of the unwanted plant and tugged, it would make a soft cracking noise as it began to give up its hold on the soil and then with a loud snap would give its final release. Craaacckckck snap! Craaacckckck snap! I heard over and over as I released my pretty flowers from the encroaching weeds. 

I spent most of Saturday doing that as we had been gone a lot and my gardens had become a poor sight. They are looking better now and still in need of work. I’m making plans for moving perennials this fall which seems to be fast approaching. I would love to figure out a way to make my flower gardens maintenance free; however, I did find the weeding to be therapeutic as I put the unpleasant vegetation into the bin.

It Feels Good to Feel Normal

Yesterday was eventful with two experiences to remind me how fortunate I am to have hearing with my cochlear implants.

It started out with a trip to the grocery store. I was driving down Main street when I noticed a motorcycle behind me. I “see” motorcycles because I used to have one and I try to be very aware as I was hit by an unaware driver on mine. So, I was keeping an eye on this guy as we left the changed light to move through the next block. Half way up the block I decided to take a right turn at the next light and I needed to change lanes. As I was preparing to signal and move over, I “heard” the motorcycle’s engine rev up and sure enough the impatient driver decided to pass me on the right. It was a stupid and unsafe move on his part that could have ended in an accident if I had not “heard” him because he moved into a blind spot and I would not have seen him. It was also ridiculous on his part as we both ended up waiting at the same light half a block ahead.

After the relief of a near miss, I was quite angered at this motorcycle driver as it is his kind of driving that gives motorcycle enthusiasts a bad rep and leads to accidents. If I would have had the opportunity to tell him so, I would have.

Next on my agenda yesterday was a trip to my audiologist to participate in a study regarding cochlear implant use. That involves a 40 mile drive to another city. I was ready early and thinking about leaving early when I decided to read the newspaper instead. Funny how the timing of things sometimes works out to put us in a certain place  at a certain time.

After reading the newspaper, I headed out. I was barely out of town on a county road heading for the highway when the SUV in front of me crossed into the oncoming lane, came back across both lanes, went into the ditch and rolled completely over. As I was pulling over, I was reaching into my purse for my cell phone and was on the line with 911 in a matter of seconds. I didn’t think, “Will I be able to hear them? Can I do this?” I just did. Another car pulled over and the man asked if I was on the line with 911 and I said, “Yes.” He proceeded ahead of me to the car to check on the driver. She appeared to be fine with only minor injuries. I stayed on the line with 911 to give them directions to where we were. 

Before my CI, I might have hit the motorcycle. Deaf people are very good drivers, but without sound we rely solely on our vision. Also before my CI, I wouldn’t have had a cell phone to call 911 after witnessing the rollover. I still would have stopped to help, but my assistance would have been very restrained by my limited communication.

It was a dramatic day with a roller coaster of emotions: relief, anger, shock, concerned panic, and relief again. As I finally calmed, relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the day, I thought, “It feels good to feel normal.”