This Is Who I Am

Sometimes a dream can seem so real that when you wake up you wonder if it happened. I had a dream like that last night and what I dreamt is impossible, but it seemed so real. I dreamt that my husband was leaving for work, on his way down the stair he said over his shoulder, “Good-bye,” and I responded, “Good-bye,” and then it hit me, I didn’t have my processors on. I said, “I heard that!” and Paul, knowing that I wasn’t hooked up, turned right around and came back upstairs. He was talking to me and I was repeating back to him what he was saying almost word for word. I would miss one now and then, but still we were thinking how could this be? 

After I was completely awake and thinking about this dream I realized it was like dreams I had after I quit smoking. I would dream that I smoked and then in the morning wonder if I did. I didn’t want to start again so I would be relieved that it was just a dream. I guess we dream about what we miss and I think I was missing those spontaneous moments that happen at the beginning or end of the day when I might not have my hearing prothesis on.

This dream surprised me and it feels like it came at an odd time. On the last Saturday we spent at our cabin before closing it up for the winter season, I felt like I had crossed a threshold. I got up that morning and Paul was preparing to take the boat to the storage place. He indicated that he was leaving and I knew I had at least an hour to myself. My normal routine in the morning is to get ready for the day and get my hearing on first thing. On this particular morning, knowing I didn’t need to communicate with anyone for awhile, I decided to relax in my comfortable pajamas, and linger over breakfast and coffee while I enjoyed the vision of the lake outside my window. Sitting in the silence, I came to realize that I have finally found peace with my deafness. 

It is okay. This is who I am.

I am a woman who puts on her hearing in the morning

and takes it off at night. 

I am a woman who sleeps in total silence

and wakes to the morning light. 

When I look out the window to see what kind of day it will be, 

I may notice the birds in the branches of a nearby tree.

I need not wonder if they are chirping or singing a song,

even though I knew their silence many years long.

It is now in my blessings a matter of choice,

If I want to hear birdsongs or the beautiful human voice.

The sounds of life are mine to have no matter the place,

And the silence is mine to choose, to reject or embrace.

A Gutsy Girl

I first met Kristin on Hearing Journey. Today her cochlear implant is being activated. Kristin's road to this day has been bumpy due to other health issues and she has hurdled or gone around every road block. To read her story go to The Telegraph Hearing Blog.

Choosing a Cochlear Implant

You are at a point in your life where you have to make a life altering decision and choose a cochlear implant either for yourself or your child. Where do you start?

I had to make that decision eight years ago. After going through all the testing and qualifying for the cochlear implant, the audiologist gave me all the brochures he had from each of the companies and answered the questions I had that day. An appointment was then scheduled with a surgeon.

While the surgeon was willing to answer any questions l had about each appliance, he would not advise me in a way that indicated any favoritism of one company’s product over another’s. We picked the date for the surgery and then he said, “You will have to let us know which implant you want two weeks before the surgery.”  

Whether they realized it or not, both the audiologist and the surgeon gave me body language clues as to which product they thought was the best at the time. Since I was good at reading visual communication due to my hearing loss, those clues did not get past me.

Armed with my brochures, the answers I got from my audiologist and surgeon, I went home to read and discuss with my husband which implant to choose.

Eight years ago, that is what I had to work with to make my decision. I had to rely on the integrity of the companies whose brochures were going to tell me all about their cochlear implant. I knew what was most important to me and I was able to figure out which implant I wanted. I know I made the right decision and I am very happy with my cochlear implants and the company that makes them.

In the time that has passed since I had to choose a cochlear implant, independent studies have taken place and now a person trying to figure out which cochlear implant to choose has more information available to them when making their decision. The key here is to make sure you have an independent report and not a report that has been construed to favor a company that didn’t do well in the study.

Advanced Bionics made my cochlear implants. I received my first one in 2001 and had the other side done in 2007. The number one thing on my list when I was choosing my first implant was the ability to upgrade without surgery; to have an implant with internal technology that would grow with the science and that is what I have. There is six years between my two implants and I have modern cutting-edge technology on both sides and love the hearing I get with my two implants. My older implant was able to upgrade to the technology I was getting with my newer model on the other side. How great is that? 

For anyone making the decision today, it is still a difficult decision with even more information to peruse. As I learn more about the technology and advances, I know that Advanced Bionics would still be my choice today.

Click here to read an excellent and well researched article about choosing an implant.